I will never settle into commiserating about academia.

Sure. It’s hard.

It’s downright excruciating at times.

It takes…and takes…and takes…

BUT, while I can acknowledge all of this and empathize with those who are struggling as I have, I cannot stay there.

Why?

Because the academy has given me too much.

The last few years have been hell. To be honest, COVID isolation looks like paradise to me now compared to what I have experienced since.

In the lowest moments in my life, when the ones who “should” show up disappointed, it was the friends and family that academia gave me who showed up.

Cleaning my mother’s house, setting up the memorial service, flying in for a weekend to help me clean the house, checking in, praying, showing me patience and kindness…the list is endless.

I knew that these people were my family before. I talk about it all the time. But when rubber and road violently collide, they stood up and stood in from near and far.

As I continue to find my way through the rubble of the last few years, each day brings new adventures. But the group texts sustain me. They make me laugh, give me a place to commiserate, and spur my thinking. It is here where I am reminded by people that love me that I’m still smart, even when I can’t think my way past grief.

They give me life. (Not in the pop culture “I LIVE!” way, but in very very real, sustained, and sustaining ways.)

I hope that you, too are finding relationships in academia that support and sustain you. If you are, take a moment to look around you and consider the gift of relationship.

If you haven’t found these relationships yet, don’t fret. I firmly believe that they are out there. They may not be in your department or at your university, though.

I remember feeling isolated in graduate school. I was one of only a handful of full-time students in my department at the time, so the graduate student culture was different. When I decided that I wanted to explore the possibilities of a research career, I craved connection with others who were thinking similarly.

But I’m such an introvert.

I had to stretch myself far beyond my comfort zone.

So I prayed (several times) and began participating in student leadership in my professional organizations. It was hard but I met people, who became friends while we worked. Nearly 15 years later, those relationships remain and they get better with age.

So take a chance on connection. You never know what goodness you may find. If you’re struggling with finding connection, reach out to me and I’d be happy to help you strategize.